"What's in your hand?"

A single question.

A conundrum, in that it appears so innocent, so simple. Yet when one begins to comprehend the depth of what is truly in one's hand, it can be overwhelming all at once.

This was the question that I was faced with tonight.

So, I asked myself- what is in my hand?

A side note: I am such a detail oriented individual, it is extremely difficult for me to see the forest for the trees- to see beyond the individual parts, the miniscule details, and look up to see that the bark, trunk, leaves, & roots all combine to form the masterpiece that is a tree. For me to see the big picture is no less than a miracle. I know God is speaking to me when I begin to see the big picture!

What is in my hand- life experience.

There is so much more, but it would take forever to expound upon, so I'll start there.

I have walked through the darkest of valleys and come through alive simply because my Savior is greater than the trials I have faced. I cannot take any credit for it. He is my shelter, my strong tower, my ever present help in time of need. He has covered me with His feathers- in the shadow of his wings is my shelter- His faithfulness IS my shield and rampart. (Ps. 91:12)

Looking back, I see how many times the enemy literally tried to kill me. By using others to persecute me, at times I wished that it would all just fall away. I felt like giving up and letting all the fight seep out of me. I remember all of the girls that were jealous, the cruelty that had no merit whatsoever. They were allowing themselves to be tools in the hands of the enemy.

How long does healing take?

I believe that it is a process yes, but at the same time, I think it is a decision. You can decide to hold onto that pain, that hurt, that bitterness. But it will fester - oh boy it will get infected until you will hardly recognize the state of your own soul anymore.

Yet, if you allow the sweet salve of the Lord to come and be massaged, ever so gently into the wounds, God will have permission to restore what the enemy has attempted to steal, kill, & destroy.

I'm not saying that the healing process isn't painful, because it is. But the joy in being complete once more, the love that comes out of a forgiving heart is worthy of the price that must be paid in exchange.

"Re-tooling" is the word the Lord spoke to me at the beginning of the summer. It was spot on. It hasn't ended either- it is only the beginning of the healing work that the Lord is enacting in me.

A victory- today, I picked up my clarinet with great joy for the first time in 4 years. The pain that has been associated with that instrument has been immense. There were people that I needed to release & forgive in order to have freedom from those negative emotions.

It was last night that the Lord reminded me of my musings at 13 years old while practicing my beloved clarinet (whom I christened "Old Reliable") that my playing was reminiscent of the musicality of King David. Oh with such joy I would play my scales & all my favorite marches. Up until now, I had forgotten that such pure worship had once poured forth when I played.

I believe that this healing work is a testimony to God's faithfulness. I am not supposed to keep it to myself, I'm supposed to share it with others. Then they will be encouraged that whatever circumstances they are facing, God is so much bigger.

I'll close with a simple question:



"What's in your hand?" ;)

Walking it out.

My last post, entitled sifting, was definitely a prelude to something that God was about to do. In that reflection, I feel as if I was on the outside looking in. Now I'm on the inside, & it's hard to see beyond circumstances.

It's true; I'm weary. I'm heavy laden. I have some things on my heart, burdens that are weighing me down. Here comes the test- will I persevere? I have to say, with God's strength as my own, I know that I will.

This is truly a good place to be. Although it may be painful, I know that the product of persecution & trials, if we respond in the right way, is becoming more like Christ. This is what I truly desire. It has been my heart since I came to know the Lord as my Savior.

I will hold on to His promises- I know that they are true. He is faithful!

When I was praying last night, just laying my heart bare before my King and telling Him that I'm weary, & beseeching Him to be my strength, He comforted me. His peace flooded over me, and He spoke to me that I'm just going to have to walk this out.

That means several things to me: firstly, that I will need to be strong. Where does that strength come from? It can't come from me, because that would be relying on my flesh and while it may be sustainable for a week or two, will ultimately fail. My strength will come from the Lord, from staying in His word, worshiping before His throne, fasting, and prayer. Secondly, that the Lord will supply everything that I need to walk through this, no matter what my emotions. That it will be a struggle- yes, there will be a fight to win. However, I am not alone. God is on my side- He is my warrior Prince. I do not go into this battle alone. Thirdly, it means that it is in His plan to use this time as a training for me. There is something that He wants to teach me & areas that He wants to cause growth in. If I am willing to let him shape me during this time, it will be a beautiful thing in the end.

I thank you Lord, for being Sovereign. Emotions change time and time again, yet You remain the same. You are my Rock, my strong tower, my ever present help in time of need. You are my King, I declare it. Unto You I will sing praises all day long. Let me cling only to You.

-LB

Sifting

Luke 22:31-34

31"Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you[a] as wheat. 32But I have prayed for you, Simon,
that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers."
33But he replied, "Lord, I am ready to go with you to prison and to death."
34Jesus answered, "I tell you, Peter, before the rooster crows today, you will deny three times
that you know me."


Sometimes, life throws you curveballs. I was reminded of this recently when a friend of mine had something come up in his life that shook him up a little bit. Sure, it was unexpected; but God knew it was coming. And I'm convinced that God had been preparing his heart to go through this trial.

I think in many instances, God builds up our character, and then sends seasons of testing our way to make sure the lesson has "stuck." What would the point be if the Lord taught us things, but never tested us? That's like training consistently for a marathon, then never actually running it. There's no satisfaction or sense of accomplishment; only the dullness of routine until you tire of it and move on.

The way that the Lord instructs us, and then follows with times of testing, this molds our character into His image. It's like strength training--you've got to work the muscles, which causes tiny rips & tears in your tissue. Essentially, you're breaking down your muscles to build strength.

I can remember many instances in my own life when I've been on the mountaintop, having amazing fellowship with the Lord. Sometime after, it will be time to descend into the valley. I may feel as if I'm all alone; but then I recall that the Lord is always with me. "The Lord is MY Shepherd, I shall not be in want." Psalm 23:1 (NIV). That's way more than a statement- it's a declaration. If you're in the midst of trials, a "sifting", or just feel a little stretched, declare God's word over your life. "For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart." Heb. 4:12 (NIV)

Truly, God's word brings an eternal perspective that exceedingly transcends temporal existence. Dig into His word, and you will never be the same. I pray that as you daily walk out this great love story, that the joy of the Lord would be your strength. May the Lord speak to you mightily May you dream big, not holding back in fear of failure, but going forth in boldness, declaring the great purpose and destiny god has in store for your life!