Not Without Love

                                                       

Assuredly, 

Like the coming of the Dawn, 

The Father's love song goes on, 

Drowning out my bitter songs, 

And breaking through walls, 

And barriers... Christ swoops in, 

Removes sin, picks up His Bride 

And carries her." 

"So I can sing in agreement with the King this thing -

There's only one thing that pleases the Father: 

The God-man on the tree in the midst of the scoffers

Now I finally see that Christ IS what Christ offers, 

And I'm finally free in the love of the Father. " 

(Not Without Love : The Benediction - Jimmy Needham)

Hardship stirs your soul, so that the darkness, the ugliest parts of yourself
all begin to bubble up to the surface. Tragedy brings you to face not only
the reality of the situation, but the reality of who you are.

I found myself faced with this scenario today. Riled up by recent hardships
and trials of life, I found anger rising up within my core. Along with this
came indignation at the thought of me being singled out for difficult times,
and the constant desire to yell: "Why me Lord, why me?"


Which leads to one of life's hardest questions:
If God is so good, why do we experience tragedy in our lives?
More than anything, when I cried out to God with this question,
He gently whispered to me:
   "Do you really see and know me as I am, or as you believe me to be?"

These are clearly two completely different things.
Our human misconceptions of God and who He truly is often lead to roadblocks in our walk of faith.
All I can do is ask God to show me why I view Him in the wrong way.
What does His word say about His character? It says that He is faithful.
That He is true - that He will never leave nor forsake His children.
His word says that He is a refuge, a very present help in time of need.

Why is it so hard for me to believe? I know these things are true in my head,
but when will I reach the point where truth makes the 18 inch journey from
my head to the very core of my being - into the center of my heart?
When it comes down to it, I think it's my own selfish pride that wants to be
strong & independent. I would rather strive and suffer through these difficult
circumstances, than admit that I need help and can't make it on my own.

God's joy is our strength - this I know to be true.
Yet, somehow, in my flesh, I would rather make it on my own.
I would rather rely on myself than fall into the arms of grace.
He's been there all along - He's been waiting for me to trust.
Gently beckoning,  He says:

"Oh my child, would you let me come close?

Would you surrender your all to me - the hopes and dreams? 

That which you hardly dare to vocalize, lest they fade away into oblivion...

         Would you trust Me with those desires?

It seems easier to keep these to yourself, but if you will surrender fully,

I will be able to work so deeply in you, something that is beyond your comprehension."

So I willingly choose to fall into the arms of grace, trusting that
not only will I be sustained for the journey, but I will be brought
to the reality of who I truly am - the fullness of identity and purpose
in Christ my Savior, as well as the purpose He has for my life.
Surrender never felt so sweet.