"What's in your hand?"

A single question.

A conundrum, in that it appears so innocent, so simple. Yet when one begins to comprehend the depth of what is truly in one's hand, it can be overwhelming all at once.

This was the question that I was faced with tonight.

So, I asked myself- what is in my hand?

A side note: I am such a detail oriented individual, it is extremely difficult for me to see the forest for the trees- to see beyond the individual parts, the miniscule details, and look up to see that the bark, trunk, leaves, & roots all combine to form the masterpiece that is a tree. For me to see the big picture is no less than a miracle. I know God is speaking to me when I begin to see the big picture!

What is in my hand- life experience.

There is so much more, but it would take forever to expound upon, so I'll start there.

I have walked through the darkest of valleys and come through alive simply because my Savior is greater than the trials I have faced. I cannot take any credit for it. He is my shelter, my strong tower, my ever present help in time of need. He has covered me with His feathers- in the shadow of his wings is my shelter- His faithfulness IS my shield and rampart. (Ps. 91:12)

Looking back, I see how many times the enemy literally tried to kill me. By using others to persecute me, at times I wished that it would all just fall away. I felt like giving up and letting all the fight seep out of me. I remember all of the girls that were jealous, the cruelty that had no merit whatsoever. They were allowing themselves to be tools in the hands of the enemy.

How long does healing take?

I believe that it is a process yes, but at the same time, I think it is a decision. You can decide to hold onto that pain, that hurt, that bitterness. But it will fester - oh boy it will get infected until you will hardly recognize the state of your own soul anymore.

Yet, if you allow the sweet salve of the Lord to come and be massaged, ever so gently into the wounds, God will have permission to restore what the enemy has attempted to steal, kill, & destroy.

I'm not saying that the healing process isn't painful, because it is. But the joy in being complete once more, the love that comes out of a forgiving heart is worthy of the price that must be paid in exchange.

"Re-tooling" is the word the Lord spoke to me at the beginning of the summer. It was spot on. It hasn't ended either- it is only the beginning of the healing work that the Lord is enacting in me.

A victory- today, I picked up my clarinet with great joy for the first time in 4 years. The pain that has been associated with that instrument has been immense. There were people that I needed to release & forgive in order to have freedom from those negative emotions.

It was last night that the Lord reminded me of my musings at 13 years old while practicing my beloved clarinet (whom I christened "Old Reliable") that my playing was reminiscent of the musicality of King David. Oh with such joy I would play my scales & all my favorite marches. Up until now, I had forgotten that such pure worship had once poured forth when I played.

I believe that this healing work is a testimony to God's faithfulness. I am not supposed to keep it to myself, I'm supposed to share it with others. Then they will be encouraged that whatever circumstances they are facing, God is so much bigger.

I'll close with a simple question:



"What's in your hand?" ;)